only if we run a train.
done.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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