Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
