so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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