You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
