so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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