You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
