Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
