I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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