Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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