Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
