Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize