I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
