somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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