Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
