I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
