I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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