he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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