i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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