That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
