Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
