ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
