i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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