so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
ok first of all what the fuck
He has the fingertips of a God
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