Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh god it's open bar.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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