On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The beer is more important than you right now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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