So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
