just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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