fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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