There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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