this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
