i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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