I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
