so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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