why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
