Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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