He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
