First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
