glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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