My cat gives me a boner
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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