like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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