Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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