There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
