Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
