If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize