remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize