Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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