just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
