Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
