she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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