dude i'm inner monologue high
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
