I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
