I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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