this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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