I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize