apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
