so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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