You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
