I bet he comes in French.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
