We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
