paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
