yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
