ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
