You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
