Well apparently he's into motor boating.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
