Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
