Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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