I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
