is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Houston, we have a blender
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
