life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
