thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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