I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
