Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
