i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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