We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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